Shot night mixed with Compassion

Tonight is shot night...  (it used to be Saturday)  Humira,for Abbie and  Methotrexate for both Abbie and Jeffery...  Bailee heard Abbie scream into a pillow and comes over and said, "I will hold your hand"  We did her MTX second and it apparently doesn't burn and she said, "My hold your hand Abbie??  My help you not a cry"  Jeffery was second and he is very brave ALWAYS...  for his shots. I told Bailee "do you want to hold Jeffery's hand and help him feel better?"  Bailee said, "yes, My help him not a cream"  She comes over holds his hand and talked him through his shot," Don't cry Jeffery, my right here, My love you, my sorry you have a shot, my love you my right here..."  The one thing i have learned from this whole Juvenile Arthritis experience is how much my kiddos love each other, how much compassion they have learned for each other...  With this I have learned I have done something right as a parent, I have taught compassion.

There are days, when I hate this disease, more often than not...  today, for some reason even after the horrid Humira, Im grateful for the compassion and love in my home that my children have for each other...  in some ways, I wonder if even though this is a debilitating disease if part of the blessing in this is...  what we all are learning from each other....  to love each other more a learn more compassion than we might have.

First Humira injection

Okay so Im not sure how i feel... well, yes, I am...  HUMIRA...  You DAMNED well better help my baby girl...  You burned, you made her cry and broke my heart to hear her scream!!  I hate that you did that.  I held her for 45 minutes last night till she stopped sobbing...  You suck!  So you better be our magic...

This is my sweet girl...  Putting Ice and vibration on her leg to make it numb.  She didnt want to smile I told her she could smile for me...  Notice it is forced...  but she is a good sport!  <3 love her!

This is the medicine she was injected with ...

The moment I heard her scream, a part of my heart died.  I have injected her ALOT!!!  But to hear her scream like that because I WAS POKING HER...  just crushed me.  Even now typing this my eyes are full of tears for the sheer fact that I HATE hurting her.  I tell myself this is helping her...  It is...  But in this moment when your child is begging you please stop...  it burns mommy...  part of you just dies.  All the trust you build with your child from the time they are an infant feels like you just took it away from them...  and then...  this is what you have left....

A child crying in her mommy's arms begging you to never hurt her again...  She and you both know in 2 weeks it will happen again...  14 days...  of dreading and the anxiety that will go along with it...  I think im going to ask the rheumy for an RX for some anti anxiety meds for  me...  I have decided that with JRA moms need an automatic RX for something...  Even if its a liquor bottle...  Just sayin'